


Too Much

by SunshineScorpius



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child - Thorne & Rowling
Genre: Albus likes to swear, Angst, Anxiety, Demisexual Scorpius Malfoy, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Scorpius and Lily are my favourite brotp, artsy Albus, insecure, insecure relationships, the projection in this one is strong
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-02
Updated: 2019-08-02
Packaged: 2020-07-29 14:37:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20083867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunshineScorpius/pseuds/SunshineScorpius
Summary: Scorpius learns in a newly-issued health class that people fall out of love for the same reasons they fall in love, which kick-starts an abundance of insecurities about himself that he fears Albus will soon learn to hate.





	Too Much

**Author's Note:**

> So, this has been sitting in my folder for a while and I was really reluctant to post it and I still am quite nervous because I relate to Scorpius quite a lot in this and I kind of just projected a lot of my anxious thoughts onto him and that's a scary concept for me. But, here we are and I hope you all enjoy it.

_do you remember the first time you were called annoying?_  
_ how your breath stopped short in your chest_  
_ the way the light drained from your eyes, though you knew your cheeks were ablaze_  
_ the way your throat tightened as you tried to form an argument that got lost on your tongue?_  
_ your eyes never left the floor that day._  
_ you were 13._

_you’re 20 now, and i still see the light fade from your eyes when you talk about your interests for “too long,”_  
_ apologies littering every other sentence,_  
_ words trailing off a cliff you haven’t jumped from in 7 years._  
_ i could listen to you forever, though i know speaking for more than 3 uninterrupted minutes makes you anxious._  
_ all i want you to know is that you deserve to be heard_  
_ for 3 minutes_  
_ for 10 minutes_  
_ for 2 hours_  
_ forever._

_there will be people who cannot handle your grace, your beauty, your wisdom, your heart;_  
_ mostly because they can’t handle their own. but you will never be_  
_ and have never been_  
_ “too much.”_

_\- **Tyler Ford.**_

_ **#** _

“This is so stupid,” Albus sighed as he settled down in the chair next to Scorpius, fumbling around in his bag for his parchment and quill. Scorpius eyed his boyfriend for a moment – his messy hair because he’d woke up late, his tired eyes because he struggled to sleep last night. He looked, altogether, worn out. Scorpius ached for a way to make him feel better.

Scorpius shrugged, “I think it’ll be useful.”

As part of the new curriculum for sixth-years, they were obligated to take part in a two-part class called ‘Health’ which, in simple terms, meant sex education. The Minister for Magic – Hermione Granger-Weasley – had recently introduced it, which meant that the boys were forced to sit and listen to their head of house give them the sex talk. As if it wasn’t bad enough from their parents.

“I think we already know how to have sex,” Albus commented. “We’re all sixteen, turning seventeen.”

Scorpius flushed and looked away from him, staring intently at the parchment. “It’s always good to be over prepared, and it’s probably not _how _to have sex, but rather how to be safe about it,” he defended. He thought it was a good idea, but most the students didn’t agree.

“We know all about that, too,” Albus said.

Scorpius looked at him, “we haven’t had sex, Albus.”

“I know,” he spoke, tone harsher than usual. “I was joking.”

Stuck for words and slightly embarrassed, Scorpius shut his mouth. He knew why they hadn’t had sex and it was, quite frankly, his fault. It’s not that he didn’t want to have sex with Albus – the thought was actually quite appealing – it was his nerves. Whenever they’d get anywhere close to even taking their tops off, Scorpius would put an end to whatever activity was partaking at that time.

He thought Albus understood that he wanted to take things slowly, but clearly after a year of being together, Scorpius was being too slow. He didn’t think Albus was annoyed about it, but maybe he really was and was just good at hiding it.

Despite his excitement for the class, Scorpius barely listened to a word. Instead, he drove himself crazy inside his own mind; Scorpius was sure his ability to lose himself to his anxious thoughts was a damn superpower. Instead, Scorpius spent the lesson staring at longingly at Albus, who was focusing very hard on one of his doodles. It was adorable when Albus dedicated himself to something, especially his drawings (he would kill Scorpius for calling it a ‘doodle’). He stuck his tongue out slightly to the side, eyes intent and squinted slightly. His hair always fell in front of his face, and just because he could, Scorpius reached forward to brush it back for him.

Albus barely noticed. He was like that when he lost himself to something. Scorpius was the same whenever he read a very good book or had a lot of homework. Albus usually teased him about that, but Scorpius would tease him right back.

Turning back to his parchment, Scorpius tuned back into the lesson. “Communication is the most important aspect of a healthy relationship,” Professor Wing was saying, pacing back a forth. “Does anyone know the most common reason why relationships do not work?” No one raised their hands.

Scorpius looked around slightly before raising his hand and waited to be addressed. “Arguments?” He guessed.

Professor Wing nodded, “That’s certainly one reason. According to a recent study, divorced men and women were asked why their marriage failed, and many said they simply fell out of love. However, they fell out of love for the same reasons they fell in love in the first place.”

It was like those words struck a chord in Scorpius.

The thing is, Scorpius knew exactly how lucky he was to have Albus Potter be in love with him. Scorpius was well aware of all of his annoying quirks, things that Albus found… endearing.

For now.

What if that changed? What if it already was?

Scorpius remembered the first time he was called annoying. He was eleven, it was in the Great Hall. He was talking – admittingly very over-excitedly – about a piece of History of Magic homework they’d been given. Albus seemed to be rather enjoying Scorpius’ rendition of the Gnome Infestation of 1896 when a fellow Slytherin shouted his name across the table followed by a gruff, “you’re so fucking annoying.”

Scorpius slumped in his chair and didn’t talk for the rest of the day. Albus was actually very worried, but when Scorpius was back to being his normal self the next day, he was fine. There have been _many_ times since then. And each time, Scorpius shrunk into himself more and more. Now, he’s only able to talk to Albus for three uninterrupted minutes without getting anxious. He can sometimes talk to Albus’ family, but he can sense when they’re getting annoyed too and he tends to trail off mid-sentence. When no one acknowledged that he’d stopped talking, Scorpius realises that no one was truly listening.

Scorpius had been lost in his own head for so long, he barely realised the class had been dismissed moments before. He started packing his things up, then looked over to Albus, who hadn’t noticed either and was still intent on drawing.

“Al?”

“What, Scorp?” He said, sharper than the usual tone he took with him. Scorpius tried not to be too taken aback.

“Class is over,” he explained, standing up and gesturing around the room. Albus followed his gesture and nodded, silently clearing away his things.

They headed to the Great Hall for lunch together. Scorpius went to take Albus’ hand but thought better of it. Albus was being short with him for some reason, and he didn’t want to impose any further. Albus was quiet during lunch, still doodling on that same piece of parchment and hardly touching his food. Scorpius tried to get him to eat, but Albus just shoved it away. Feeling wounded, Scorpius pushed his own food away, appetite suddenly leaving him. Albus looked at him briefly when he did, and Scorpius let himself believe it was because Albus does still give a damn about him.

It was when they left the Great Hall, however, that things went further downhill.

“Library, yeah? We have a free,” Scorpius said, placing a gentle hand on Albus’ arm.

Albus moved out of the touch, “Sorry, Scorp, just want to be alone right now.” Alone? They were never alone. They never wanted to be alone. Alone meant bullies. Alone meant lonely. Albus had never asked for space from him before, especially since they started dating.

“But, Al-”

“Seriously,” he snapped, stepping backwards. “You’re annoying me, and I want space.”

_Annoying._

Scorpius was _annoying_ him. Too stunned to speak, Scorpius simply let him walk away. He watched Albus hunch his shoulders as he rounded the corner and down the stairs to the dungeons. Maybe it was because it’d been a rough morning, or maybe it was because of _that_ word, or maybe it was just because he was incredibly sensitive, but Scorpius burst into tears.

He collapsed onto the floor, his knees no longer being able to hold himself up as the sobs racked through his body.

_Annoying._

What did he have in his life if even Albus was beginning to find him annoying? How could he change that? He can’t help that he sometimes talks too much, his brain moves at a hundred miles per hour and he has to speak otherwise he would explode. He can’t help that his anxiety craves Albus’ attention, and he feels like he needs to be with him all the time otherwise he’ll die. He didn’t think it was too much for Albus, but what if it was? What if Albus was beginning to hate him for all the same reasons everyone else did?

What if Albus was beginning to hate him for all the same reasons he fell in love with him?

“Scorpius?” A voice called, cutting through his thoughts. It wasn’t the voice he wanted to hear, however. It was Lily. Albus’ younger sister. But, he wanted Albus. “What’s wrong?”

Scorpius stood, quickly wiping the tears and muttering a weak, “nothing,” before storming off in the opposite direction. He didn’t want to talk to anyone. He didn’t want to annoy anyone else. Maybe that was the solution. Maybe he should just stop talking.

He stormed into an empty bathroom, closing himself off in a stall and collapsing back onto the floor. However, Lily followed him. It seemed she didn’t care about the fact that this was a boys toilet. She sat on the other side of Scorpius stall.

“Talk to me,” she spoke softly. Scorpius was always struck at how kind Lily Potter was. She was the first of the Potters – after Albus – to really accept him. She always seemed interested in what he had to say. But right now, Scorpius didn’t want to talk. He didn’t want to push her away too.

“I can’t,” he whispered, broken. The tears were still falling softly, though not quite as fast.

“Is this about Albus? Have you had an argument?”

“No,” he said, because it was true. They hadn’t had an argument. They never argued. He had no idea why Albus was suddenly off with him. Why he was now finding him annoying. “He – he… just – I-”

“It’s okay,” Lily assured. “Take your time.”

“He hates me,” he sobbed, choking harder on his own breath. “Everyone hates me.”

“What on Earth makes you think that?”

“B-because. Because I’m everything everyone hates in a person.” It was hard to speak through the sobs, and he stumbled on his words more often than not. “You could put all the traits that people hate about other people and roll them into a ball and that ball is me.”

“That is not true.” Lily had a bite to her tone, like she was angry at everyone who ever made him feel like that. He felt a surge of love for her go through him. “Scorpius, you are the kindest person I’ve ever met, and you are not easy to hate, trust me.”

“No one else seems to have a problem.”

“Because they aren’t you. And, I promise you this, Albus loves you so much. I’ve never seen him love anything as fiercely as he loves you.”

“But for how long?” Scorpius asked. “How much longer will it be before he starts believing all the rumours? Before he gets fed up of me? Before he starts hating me because I’m annoying, and I’m anxious, and I doubt myself. Before he hates me just for existing like everyone else?”

“Albus isn’t everyone else.”

She was right, a part of him knew that. But another part of him didn’t. The part that always doubts himself. The part that sometimes believes the rumours too because it was easier. The part that hated himself. Just like everyone else.

“Wait here,” Lily said. Scorpius never planned on going anywhere anyway.

#

Albus never expected his little sister to come storming through the Slytherin common room and straight into his dorm with a look of fury on her face. His family never dared step into the snake pit, yet here she was. All fiery red hair and a red fury that matched her robes.

“What’s going on?” She asked, tone unsympathetic.

Albus wanted to scream at her to get out. He needed space away from everyone to work on his studying. At this rate, he was going to fail the potions final in two weeks and he needed this if he wanted to carry on his potions N.E.W.T. next year. He’d taken to doodling ingredients of potions to help him remember the various properties, which is what he spent all morning doing.

“Go away,” Albus said, with less bite than he intended.

“Why is your boyfriend crying in a bathroom stall terrified that you now hate him?”

“Scorpius?”

“Unless you have another boyfriend, yes, Scorpius.”

Albus tried to swallow his guilt, but it was impossible. He fucked up. He told Scorpius he was annoying him out of spite because he knew that would get Scorpius to leave him alone, so he could revise. It was incredibly selfish, and he knew he’d hurt him, yet he did it anyway. Because he was a shitty person. He’s never deserved Scorpius anyway. He was way too kind for him. And now Albus had gone and fucked it all up because he was stressed out. He was stressed out and had taken it out on the least deserving person.

“Fuck.”

“Yes, fuck,” Lily agreed. “Get your arse down there and fix it or so help me. Because if I have to be the one to beat you up for hurting him, then so be it.”

She was right. Lily was always right. It’s one of those really infuriating things about her.

Albus abandoned his work, following Lily down to the bathroom where Scorpius was hiding. She ranted to him the entire time, calling him a dickhead and telling him that Scorpius deserved better. It was everything he already knew. She pushed him inside, raising her eyebrows in a look that said: _fix it, I swear to Dumbledore._

“Scorp?” Albus spoke softly as he entered the bathroom. He heard the soft sniffles coming from behind a closed stall, so he settled down on the other side of it. “Scorpius?” He asked again, hoping for some verbal confirmation he was in there.

“Go away,” Scorpius spoke ever-so softly.

“I’m sorry, truly.” He had no idea where to start apologising. He knows how Scorpius gets, how wrapped in his own insecurities he can become. It consumes him like a fire, cutting off any air supply until it chokes him. Until all that’s left is ashes on the ground. “Can you come out please?”

“No.”

“I was stressed out,” Albus tried. “And I took it out on you, I didn’t mean to. I never meant to make you doubt my love for you, I know how your mind can play tricks on you sometimes.” It was the wrong thing to say, because Scorpius snapped back.

“Don’t make this about me.”

“It is about you,” Albus said, trying to keep his voice calm. It might have been partly about him, about how he pushed him away, but he had never said anything that would have made Scorpius doubt him. He did that all on his own. It was partly Albus’ fault, he knew exactly how to trigger those thoughts in Scorpius, but it hadn’t been his intention. He just wanted to be left alone. He didn’t know Scorpius would take it so harshly.

“What about me? About your crazy boyfriend?” He snapped. “Why don’t you just dump me now, huh? Put me out of my misery.”

Albus sighed. “What are you talking about?”

“You’ll only end up hating me, Al, if you don’t already. Just like everyone else.”

A lump gathered in Albus’ throat. He was an incredibly bad person. He’d spent so long protecting Scorpius from those beliefs. When the bullies told him he was evil and annoying and too much, he made sure Scorpius felt loved. That was always his job. And he ruined it. He was now part of the pain that Scorpius felt.

Albus always wanted to harm anyone who ever hurt him, and now he had hurt him. He ran his hands through his hair frustratingly, taking a deep breath.

“I will never, _ever_, hate you. I love you so much that sometimes it hurts. Whenever I see you hurting, it hurts me because that’s how much I love you. Knowing that now I’m the one who hurt you, it’s killing me, Scorp. Please, please come out and talk to me.”

There was silence on the other side of the door, until a lock clicked, and Scorpius opened it. He blinked a few times at Albus, who was still sitting, before stepping over him and over to the sink. He inspected himself in the mirror, running a hand through his hair – which was a messy halo atop his head – and blinking away the final tears. Albus felt tears of his own pricking at his eyes. Scorpius looked… drained. His hair was the usual brightness of a halo, but where his eyes usually matched, they were now empty of any light.

Before Albus even met Scorpius he was a bright burst of sunshine with a few clouds hanging above him. But things changed when they got to Hogwarts. The bullies they faced everyday sent rainstorms to his clouds and dimmed his shine. Albus hated every single one of them, for Scorpius was such a beautiful soul. He never deserved those rainstorms. He put up his umbrella and faced it every day with a fierce bravery that Albus admired dearly. Though, he never put his umbrella down and therefore he never ever saw the rainbow hanging over his head.

“I’m being stupid,” Scorpius finally spoke when Albus stepped up next to him. He had wiped his tears away, the only evidence of them ever being there was his bloodshot eyes.

“You’re not.” Albus placed a tentative hand on the small of his back and smiled a small victory when he never flinched away. “You know, I admire you so much.”

Scorpius looked at him perplexed, grey eyes searching for any evidence that Albus was lying. “You do?” He asked when he found nothing.

“You’re a wonder, Scorpius. You are brave and kind. I’m sorry I made you feel like you weren’t good enough, because you are truly the best person I’ve ever met, and I don’t deserve you.”

“So…” he said, calculating his next words. “You don’t hate me?”

“I could never.” He moved slightly closer, so his stomach was pressed against Scorpius’ hip. “Why would you think that?”

Scorpius sighed, looking away from him and down at his hands pressed against the sink. He was holding on pretty hard, his knuckles turning white. “Because,” he took a shaky breath. “Because I’m annoying, and because I’m insecure and because other people hate me and because I’m the son of a Death-Eater and because we haven’t had sex yet and-”

“Woah, woah, woah, Scorp. I don’t care about that.”

Scorpius looked at him through his hair. “You don’t?”

Albus brushed his hair away with gentle fingers. “Of course not. That can happen in our own time, and even if it never happens, that’s fine with me too. I’m with you because I love you. I love everything about you even though others may hate those parts of you. Those little rants you do that everyone finds annoying, I just find endearing because no one ever deserves to be told to shut up when they’re so passionate about something. You deserve to be heard, even if I’m the only one listening. And I know I don't tell you enough and I know I struggle with my words, but just believe me, Scorpius. Believe that I love you with every ounce of my being."

“I -” he faltered, dropping his head and gathering his thoughts. Albus placed his other hand on his stomach, a silent gesture that invites Scorpius in for a hug. He never moved, but he lifted his head back to meet Albus’ eyes. “I love you.”

Despite Scorpius not showing any reason to want to hug Albus, Albus brought him in for one anyway. It took a moment, and then Scorpius melted into him, wrapping his arms around him and burying his head in Albus’ shoulder.

“I love you, my little angel,” Albus whispered in his ear, kissing his cheek softly.

He let Scorpius stay like that for as long as he needed. He let himself believe that this hug was fixing all of Scorpius’ broken pieces. Like he could glue him back together with his love and warmth. Maybe he could. Maybe he just needed to show Scorpius love more often. Albus often struggled with that, but it was time for him to get over that. It was time for him open his heart and show Scorpius all the love he had for him. He would never let Scorpius doubt his love for him again. He deserved so much more than that.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading.  
Kudos and comments welcome, I would love to hear your thoughts! Either comment below or hit me up at:  
Twitter: @sunshinescorp  
Tumblr: sunshinescorpiusmalfoy


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